If you stop to think about it, most of the needs we are trying to get our partner to fill are the same needs that went unmet when we were children. Joyce Schafers went through her own trauma and betrayal and recognized this failing pattern, so she created a model to help other couples thrive. A best-selling author, public speaker, and life skills coach specializing in relationship counseling, Joyce has a keen ability to expose the root issues that cause relationships to fail and heal them before they do.
Joyce is sharing with us her theory of the cycle of emotional pain, what happens when we are in it, and how we can get out of it. She is discussing the unconscious needs we try and fill externally, why you need to do the work to recognize and acknowledge your wounds, and managing your triggers in order to fill your own cup.
Using her own experiences as a guiding light, Joyce is an advocate for awareness and using the power of choice to create the life you deserve. It is time to stop putting pressure on your partner to fill the unmet needs of your childhood and break the cycle to stop your emotional pain.
Are you ready to accept yourself, flaws and all? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
In This Episode
- Defining trauma, betrayal and the cycle of emotional pain
- Creating the awareness and addressing your emotional needs
- Why you should view your triggers as opportunities to heal your trauma
- Strategies to break your cycle of emotional pain
- How unhealed traumas from childhood show up in adult needs
“The trauma when it is not addressed creates this emotional need which then creates this desire to get the emotional need met externally” (2:40)
“When we’re triggered, my approach is to help that person become aware of what is actually going on, and help them debunk the story” (8:39)
“When you can really like plug your own details into the cycle of emotional pain, understand exactly how it is impacting you, it is so incredibly powerful.” (15:57)
“The common denominator here is me. So how our my broken bits, how is my trauma and emotional pain creating this cycle?” (22:14)
“If we created our story, that’s a good thing because we can create a new one. And you can create a new one by not believing the stuff we have believed in the past.” (29:20)