Betrayal is one of the most difficult and challenging circumstances to overcome…
The shock, the feeling of being caught off guard and blindsided can instantly dismantle everything you believed in.
It can destroy your confidence, sense of worthiness and leave you feeling neglected, rejected, abandoned, disregarded, taken advantage of and so much more…
How do I know? You guessed it, because I’ve been there…
You see, I’ve only recently healed from the most difficult period of my life.
Years ago, I was a health expert and should have been the picture of health yet got sick with symptoms, illness, conditions, even disease. I had to give up my entire business because I couldn’t get out of bed.
I knew I was overwhelmed with a husband, 4 kids, 4 dogs and a full-time business as a holistic dietitian and personal trainer but had a feeling it had something to do with chronic stress, an overextended lifestyle and toxic relationships. I studied to become a Whole Health Coach and I learned that despite healthy eating and exercise, on some level, the thoughts I was thinking, stress I was under and relationships I had were at the root of it.
I changed everything (cut the toxic ties, delegated more) and everything healed. The ties I cut were with my own family-it was a lifetime of pain and betrayal that I couldn’t really make sense of.
A few years later, I crashed again. This time, no toxic relationships, just trying to be supermom and wonder woman at the expense of my health. I became a Functional Diagnostic Nutritionist to treat people for adrenal fatigue and stress-related issues because that’s what I healed from and wanted to offer the same tools to my clients.
So excited about the growth of my business and still trying to raise 4 kids (and now 6 dogs), my husband and I were slowly growing apart. We’d been together since college but his business took off and his ego changed him into someone I barely knew. I started studying spirituality because I needed a sense of connection.
Only 3 years ago I learned that he’d had an affair. It completely blindsided me and broke my heart. He told the kids and they were equally as blindsided, angry and hurt. I asked him to leave and within days, he sold his fancy car, clothes and “woke up,” realizing he lost the most important people in his life.
I woke up too, realizing I was settling over the past few years trying to be everything to everyone, running myself ragged, and not having the partner I’d known and loved since 1984 (we met in college).
Having the time I needed to see if and how I wanted to be a single mom was excruciating. I saw clients, took care of the kids, then crashed. That was my entire routine.
He was willing to do anything to get his family back and I knew I needed to put myself first. He started reading the books I recommended and couldn’t stop. He was changing at the core and so was I.
I saw a spiritual counselor Anna because I didn’t trust myself, didn’t trust him and after a few years of spirituality under my belt, reasoned that at least I could trust the Universe. Anna told me that this was “divinely orchestrated,” that we planned this, that we needed a catastrophic breakdown so that he could transform into being the husband and father he needed to be and at the same time, I would heal, then be able to teach and create something profound from a deep place of knowing.
I thought that was crazy.
Why on earth would I agree to and PLAN something like that??
Anna explained that I’d be bringing the years of other work I’d done, combine it with what I’d learn now, to pave this new path of unchartered territory.
I still wasn’t a believer although it was a hopeful idea.
It was my turn to take my needs seriously after years of putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I felt so drawn to begin a PhD program in Transpersonal Psychology (the psychology of transformation) because that’s what I was seeing in him, in myself and in my clients. While there, I chose to study how women experience betrayal.
Everything she said 2.5 years ago was right. Even that I’d open a physical center to help women heal which is now The PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Institute in New York.
It would have been so much easier to just move on but in transforming, being my highest self and seeing the good that can come of this, we’ve not only reconciled, we remarried each other and in our 33 years together, we have more love, respect, fun and enjoy each other’s company more than we ever have.
He sees it all so clearly now and the kids and I saw him transform at lightning speed. We saw him repeatedly go into NYC to feed the homeless, see hospice patients, hand out Wayne Dyer DVD’s to the guys that work for him and do anything he can to repair the damage he caused to me, the kids and even our friends who he hurt by hurting me. He even spoke at a few spiritual conferences on how not to let your ego ruin your life along with thousands of other examples that show us daily how different he’s become. He’s unrecognizable from who he’d become over those years and so am I. The kids see my strength as opposed to weakness, knowing that I saved a marriage, a family and they’ve all gotten so close because of their shared experience.
I never thought I’d be in this position, let alone teach others how to heal from betrayal but having that experience from my family, and then my husband-the people I absolutely trusted 100% being the ones to blindside me, taught me a powerful lesson I feel obligated and responsible to teach.
My own story of betrayal sent me on a journey of discovery.
What I found not only transformed my life, but can transform yours.
The thought of healing, moving through your pain and reclaiming your life may feel like wishful thinking at the moment but by the time you’re done reading this page you’ll see that it’s not only possible for you but you’ll also be able to see an actual path forward to getting there.
But first, it’s important to understand that…
Healing from betrayal is very different than healing from other types of life crises…
While a life crisis like the death of a loved one, a natural disaster, disease or a tragic accident can involve an intense sense of loss, anguish, pain and grief…
There are additional challenges when it comes to healing from the betrayal of a family, partner or friend.
Betrayal happens when there’s a breaking of a spoken or unspoken rule within a relationship. And the more we trusted and were dependent upon the person, the bigger the betrayal.
We can be betrayed by a family member, partner, friend, coworker or someone in a position of authority.
Which betrayals hurt the most?
The ones which involved the greatest amount of our time, trust and heart.
Betrayals blindside us for three critical reasons…
#1 We’re forced to face the fact that someone we believed would never hurt us, disregarded our feelings to satisfy their own needs. This intentional decision is one of the reasons why betrayal hurts as much as it does.
#2 Betrayal sends a shock to the body and mind, imprinting the experience on us at every level.
#3 Trust, which is the foundation of relationships and what allows us to feel safe, valued and secure, is shattered.
Here’s what’s helpful to know…
#1 You’re not crazy
#2 You’re not alone
#3 There’s a way to heal from ALL of it, allowing you to become the strongest, healthiest and most empowered version of you yet
People who haven’t been through betrayal don’t understand how betrayal causes a complete breakdown of the body, mind and worldview. It creates the most intense heartache, anxiety, fear and confusion because everything someone believed in, found comfort in, felt safe with has been destroyed. The feeling of having the rug pulled out from under you creates such intense anxiety, fear and leaves so many areas of the body and mind shattered and in need of healing.
So maybe you go to a practitioner for your gut issue, take something to help you sleep, maybe you see a therapist to help with the sadness. Maybe your anger is so overwhelming and the injustice so intolerable that you obsess over seeking revenge, believing that it’ll lessen your pain. Maybe you seek holistic, spiritual or energetic healing therapies.
Here’s the problem. Even if those strategies offer some relief, unless you’re dealing with all of it, you’re only healing some of the symptoms that betrayal leaves in its wake. When you’re only working on one area of your pain, as opposed to all of it in a strategic and gentle way, it’s like you’re playing one big game of “whack-a-mole”where you’re treating symptoms as they arise without an end in sight.
There’s a solution…
What women experience physically, mentally and emotionally at every stage of betrayal wasn’t identified… until now.
Besides knowing what it took for me to heal and helping my clients through it, I did a PhD study and discovered exactly what holds women back and what helps them heal. In fact, we even identified five stages that every woman goes through from the moment leading up to the shock to the moment she feels healed.
Other solutions aren’t as effective because a physical, mental and emotional step by step solution around healing from betrayal, based on a PhD study on what women need to heal, hasn’t been available until now.
I’m bringing 27 years of health, mindset, personal development expertise, my own experience, what’s worked for my clients, and the study findings to create a solution that’s specific to women.
Here’s the challenge…
It takes a willingness to do something differently and be willing to transform to fully heal. This is often a messy and scary process and honestly, you may feel it’s easier to stay stuck. Not because it’s better, but because it’s so familiar.
The Betrayal to Breakthrough Program gives you a quick start to feeling better, and the tools and strategies are all there although everyone has their own timeline based on their own circumstances, resources and their willingness to change.
Think about it, even if you use one tip and that moves you towards a healthier state physically, mentally or emotionally, wouldn’t that feel better than the way you may be feeling now?
I wanted to thank you for everything. I’ve read your book 3x and highlighted the parts that really resonated with me. I refer to them whenever I need to. I’ve learned so much. Debi, you have helped me heal and for that I am forever grateful! I look forward to continue working on myself and helping others heal in the process.
After being hurt deeply, I tried everything to heal. Nothing worked and I had pretty much given up on healing until I heard Debi Silber describe what happens to your mind and body after a betrayal. I knew this workshop was for me. I'm now healing and growing and have a new dream and vision for my life! So grateful for Debi and this betrayal work! Its life changing!
I feel that this program has been the answer I’ve been searching for. After years of reading, studying, listening to all sorts of opinions on each of the topics you brought me through these few weeks, I finally have the direction to uncover the person I am meant to be! During last night’s class I found myself nodding my head to so many circumstances you were referring to., sometimes with a smile on my face. and at other times with my eyes welling up with tears. My vision of my ultimate self begins with ultimate health, and that’s where I want to begin. My sincere thanks.
I wish Debi’s jump start program were available to me when I was going through my divorce. This program is loaded with so many helpful insights and activities to guide you through the process of transformation and beyond.
I have gotten a lot of value out of the 5 sessions so far. The workbook exercises have encouraged me to look inside and answer questions about myself. It’s interesting how you are with yourself your entire life, yet do not really know who you are. I can confidently say my journey of self-discovery has been a blessing and very positive. Incorporating your workshops and programs into that journey has certainly been a part of that. I applaud your energy and motivation every time we have our group.
I just listened to the first class. It was stunning in its depth and clarity. This is really a new field and I am so glad I have the tools to begin to heal from the catastrophic betrayal I experienced. I believe I am in stage three and trying to make decisions about my future based on the reality of now. Such truly good information.
Here’s what you feel when you heal…
You feel hopeful, inspired and motivated to move forward.
Physically, you’re more energetic, you’re sleeping better, you feel healthier, lighter, leaner and stronger.
Mentally you feel clear-headed, less foggy, you’re able to focus and concentrate on things you want to focus on, versus obsessively thinking about negative thoughts that have taken up way too much space in your mind.
Emotionally you feel calmer, more centered, in control, hopeful about the future, confident and empowered.
You’re able to make your betrayal experience a part of your story, not the whole story. You see the benefit in the experience and what it taught you. You reset boundaries, take your needs more seriously, become proactive versus reactive. You feel stronger, wiser and more empowered because of your experience. You see new possibilities and opportunities that were out of reach before it happened. You feel proud, confident, healed and happy.
Here’s how this is quicker than doing it on my own…
During the program, we’ll be working on a specific plan to heal, designed to move you forward each week. Instead of getting stuck at one of the stages for years if not decades, you’ll move forward gently and with purpose.
Let’s face it: “If you knew better, you’d do better.” You’re doing the best you can with what you have available to you. Just like you’re good at what you do, this is ALL I do, based on what I’ve experienced as well as what I help others through all day long as I coach, teach, speak and mentor others who are reeling from the shock of their experience. I’ve found a simple way to package it all so that it’s accessible to anyone ready to heal.
I get it. Betrayal shatters trust so why should you trust me?
Think about it…
For me to have a website devoted to helping women heal from betrayal, to open a physical center in New York dedicated to helping women heal from betrayal after years of having a home-based business, to do a PhD study on the topic and to dedicate my career to helping women heal…
It’s obvious that it’s a topic I’m passionate about.
Now, even if you do trust me, it’s still normal to be hesitant to trust after your experience. And you may look at me and think that since I seem ok, I didn’t go through much over the last few years. That’s not it. It’s just that I didn’t want to teach this from a place of pain. I wanted to wait until I was ready to teach from a place of wisdom.
One of my mentors said: “An experience, without the pain, is wisdom” and I’m just like you. Chances are at the beginning of your experience, you only shared your story with a close family member, a therapist or your best friend. As time went on, maybe you shared it a bit more, testing the water to see if it was safe to be so vulnerable with a topic so challenging. I’m ready to share what it takes to heal fully and I hope you’re ready too.
It takes a warrior. You got this. 🙂
Now here’s what we’ll do together…
Introduction: From Betrayal to Breakthrough
- You’ll be introduced to a predictable and proven model of stages when going from betrayal to breakthrough.
- You’ll also learn why healing from betrayal is very different than healing from other life crises (like the death of a loved one, a natural disaster, etc.)
- You’ll learn what you need to know and do to set yourself up for success.
Crisis-The Greatest Catalyst to Create Change
- You’ll learn how your darkest moments plant the seed for your greatest self to emerge
- You’ll learn what the stress of your experience is doing to your body and mind along with how to stop it
- You’ll see how your experience provides the greatest opportunity to create something new and so much better
How to Change Your Mind to Change Your Life
- You’ll learn how to use your mind to find meaning from your experience vs. going over it endlessly without feeling any different or better
- You’ll learn the most effective ways to break the cycle of negative beliefs left in the wake of your betrayal
- You’ll learn how to rewire those toxic and painful thoughts while learning a new way to think and feel to match the new version of you that’s slowly emerging.
Finding and Adjusting to A New Normal
- Chances are you’re in some unfamiliar territory these days with so many shifts happening. Things are different-the people in your life may need some upgrading, the places you go may need some updating and the things you do may need some adjustments too. You’ll learn how to do this
- How do you find what’s best for you at this stage and settle into a new normal? I’ll show you how so you don’t slip back into old, destructive and negative beliefs, habits, behaviors and actions.
Healing, Rebirth and a New Worldview
- You’ll learn the exact processes to help you heal-physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. This healing is due to your willingness to make changes to the way you think, feel and live.
- You’ll learn a new way to look at forgiveness that “speaks” the language someone betrayed needs to hear
- Get ready for a new worldview (a new way to see the world) because your changes caused you to become different, in the best kind of ways.
Body Based Healing/Self-Care
- How do you maintain the changes you’ve made? How do you prevent slipping back into old, familiar (and often destructive) habits? I’ll show you how to prevent sabotage.
- Some simple yet effective energetic and body based healing activities.
- I’ll also show you how to create the simple, daily habits that help maintain momentum which will keep you moving forward. It’s time for your most exciting and fulfilling next chapter and I’m with you every step of the way!
- Relationship assessment to see who has a positive, negative and neutral influence and what to do about it
- Identifying what’s important to you in future friendships/partnerships/relationships now that you’ve healed
- How to keep the momentum going and next steps
Congratulations on Completing/Join Us!
- Let’s assess how far you’ve come
- Next steps now that you’re a living, breathing example of someone who’s experiencing Post Betrayal Transformation!
You’ve waited long enough. Join us and let’s get you feeling great again. I know what’s waiting for you when you heal and I can’t wait for you to experience it for yourself!
Here’s the only way this won’t work…
By giving up. You’ll be getting access to tools you need to heal. But, transformation, becoming your highest self, not seeking revenge, taking the high road, living in integrity and seeing and accepting the limitations of those who hurt you is hard.
Realizing that “hurt people, hurt people” and making peace with either the lack of justice, unfairness and decision to forgive is hard.
Seeing the gift left in the wake of your trauma, finding the benefit of who you’ve become as a result, rewiring your mind and rewriting your story so you’re able to put it in perspective is hard…and also rewarding.
These concepts are extremely challenging; especially when the ego is in control. If you want to transform, it takes trusting and listening to the gentle whisper of your highest self to guide you, instead of loud scream of the ego that’s yelling in your ear.