Tim Tedder entered into an affair sixteen years into his marriage and was equally as surprised by his actions as those closest to him. Tim decided to take a good look in the mirror to understand exactly how he had gotten to that place internally, as well as within part of a team. What he found was a lack of vulnerability and honesty, which he has since harnessed into a counseling career to help others avoid the regret that he has experienced.
Get ready for a brand new perspective as we go inside the mind of a betrayer to gain an understanding of why someone betrays, what an affair looks like from a betrayers standpoint, and how to be honest with the mess that you have made to move on either as a couple or individually. Tim opens up about the shifting inner dialogue he had with himself that lead to his infidelity, signs that a betrayer is ready to change and heal versus one that has no intention to change, and how to gain peace of mind knowing that your partner’s decisions weren’t about you.
Even in the worst situations, Tim believes that healing can still be possible as long as both people are willing to put in the work. By working with a counselor such as Tim you can navigate the road bumps of living with someone day in and day out, and learn how to work through change instead of shutting down.
It is time to take responsibility for your actions and create a context where you can be truly open and vulnerable with your partner and with yourself. Tim is living proof that with enough awareness and an openness to healing, it is possible to learn from betrayal and move forward.
Let us know how infidelity has impacted your relationship with marriage in the comments below.
In This Episode
- Gain an understanding as to why someone betrays and the steps taken to get there
- Being honest about how you need to change and grow as a person and a couple
- Indicators that your partner is not willing to do the necessary work to heal with you
- Forgiving yourself for the underserved blame you may receive from your partner
- An exploration of insights and changes that may lead a betrayer towards healing
“Friends and people around me said, ‘hey maybe that’s what you should do, you should be a counselor to help people get through things in a different way than you did’. So low and behold here I am.” (5:19)
“In my mind, I was creating this space for the possibility [to cheat] instead of stepping into my marriage in an honest and vulnerable way.” (8:19)
“Putting the blame on her was undeserved. And I wish more wives could hear that with greater clarity sooner.” (11:38)
“Although we would never want someone to experience an affair, we are very thankful for what it caused in our life because of the choices we made afterward.” (20:57)
“I want to be that person that can step into another person’s life and help them make sense of things before they experience the regret that I did.” (30:43)